Da Daily Dank

This is another of the previously unpublished lists found in our latest
book, the Ultimate Book of Bizarre Lists. Here we look at ten toys that
are either horrifying, bizarre or unimaginably inappropriate for their
target market. If you know of other revolting or disastrous toys,
mention them in the comments.


10

Pee Wee Herman Doll




Given the strange circumstances under which Mr Herman was arrested some
years ago, one wonders why any company would agree to produce a child’s
doll of him. That aside, the doll itself is horrifying – it looks like
a monstrous grinning clown without its red nose. The ill-fitting suit
and strangely long fingers make this a doll that no parent would want
for their child.


9

Look-alike Doll




If you are worried that your child is not narcissistic enough, this is
the toy for them! The look-alike doll is a small action figure made to
look exactly like its owner. Just send in a photo and wait for your
doll to arrive in the post. This is a great way to make precious
children feel even more precious.


8

Reborn Baby




Reborn Babies is the brainchild of Deborah King, from Scotland. While
there is no denying her artistic talent – the dolls she produces are
macabre to say the least. She attempts to make her dolls as lifelike as
possible – complete with an optional beating heart. The unfortunate
thing is that she makes them look so real that the lack of movement and
the frozen poses make it look like an embalmed infant corpse. Any child
that jumps for joy at receiving one of these for Christmas needs to get
to a therapist, pronto!


7

Adolf Hitler Doll




Unless you are a member of your local ku klux klan, or any other
racist, bigoted organization, you are not at all going to want this
hideous (and very lifelike) doll for your child. The doll even comes
with a removable Nazi uniform, in case you want to see Hitler’s missing
testicle.


6

Epidermits




This hideous toy has a covering that feels like human skin and hair
that feels like human hair. It is headless (the hair comes out of its
neck) and has a tail made of a metal rod. This toy is simply dreadful.
Whatever benefit a young child (and that is the age group it is
marketed at) would get from his grotesque bundle of fake human flesh is
beyond me. Here is what the company says about it: “They require
minimal maintenance, can be stored in state of forced hibernation in
standard refrigerators, and are customizable with different body, skin
and hair selections and through tanning, tattooing and piercing.”



5

Pee and Poo Plush Toys




Pee and Poo plush toys are designed to make your children comfortable
with pee and poo. Why you want to make them comfortable with the idea
of playing WITH pee and poo is something I have yet to work out. While
these are undoubtedly designed to help with toilet training, it seems
to me that teaching children that handling poo is okay is not a good
idea.


4

God Almighty




God Almighty is an action figure sold by the “Jesus Christ Superstore”.
It features a God-like figure with a long white beard wearing a flowing
white coat. The figure also comes with a Kalashnikov AK-47 (yeah right
– because God really needs one of those) and the unfortunate logo on
the box reads: “his [sic] is the kingdom, the power and the glory”.
Tacky.


3

Chopped Up Lady




Only in Japan would a toy like this be developed. This toy is a bag
filled with an anatomically correct lady who has been chopped into
pieces. She is complete with blood oozing out of her wounds and blood
splatters on her face. Perfect for the parent who wants to distract
their future serial-killer child fromdestroying animals.


2

Stripper Pole




Believe it or not a British company produced a stripper pole toy for
young girls to practice their pole dancing. Fortunately, some officials
decided to yank it from the shelves. But, sadly, not before dozens of
chavs bought them for their daughters. The marketing campaign for this
product is quite unbelievable: “Unleash the secks kitten inside…simply
extend the Peekaboo pole inside the tube, slip on the secksy tunes and
away you go!” Remember – this was made for pre-teen girls.


1

[..] Feeding Doll




Yes, it is another doll – but we are certain you will understand why it
is number one. Let’s start with the product tagline: “Because you
shouldn’t have to wait until you have [..]s before you start
[..]feeding your baby.” I beg to differ. This doll comes with a special
top for pre-pubescent girls to wear that has little flowers in the
place of !!s. When the doll is placed on the flower it begins to
suckle. This doll is seriously, seriously wrong. It is made by Spanish
company Berjuan.